my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
