He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
