The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
