I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
