it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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