If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
