I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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