Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
