I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
