Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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