I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
