I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
