ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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