My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
