I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
