im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
