Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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