hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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