I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
