On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
my being single is dangerous.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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