You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
