why didn't you poke me back
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
