When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
