Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
