My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
