im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize