was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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