I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
