I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You dont lie about slip and slides
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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