You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
