the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
