my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize