i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
