Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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