I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
