That's when you crack a 10am beer
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I will pee on everything he values.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
