I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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