I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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