so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
