This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
