Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
