I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
