You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
