Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
