We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
