You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
