come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize