i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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