so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
