okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
