she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize