I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We are all done wearing pants today
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
