I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
