Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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