It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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