sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
