I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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