Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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