My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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