I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
