it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
