So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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