Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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