you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize