Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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