fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
