Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
