I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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