Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
