just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
